Marriage isn’t a contract between just you and your “darling.” No, Uncle Sam has just become a part of your relationship life. Enjoy your three-way!
Fuck that.
Michelle Bachman will tell you that marriage is sacred. GLAAD will tell you it’s a civil rights.
I’ll tell you that it is a false fucking argument and the government should have no part of your love life.
To quote the great Doug Stanhope, “If marriage didn’t exist, would you invent it?”
It’s a valid question. If you loved your girlfriend/boyfriend/pillow more then you have ever loved anything, would you want to get contracts and other shit involved?
If you want to get married for religious reasons, that’s fine, but it shouldn’t have anything to do with the government. Do you sign a binding government contract when you join a church?
When I tell people that I don’t believe in marriage, it seems as if I am telling people “Hey, I’m total dick!”
To this I say, I may be a dick but I am committed, I am…a Committed Dick! (wait...)
It’s not that I want to live the life of a Viking, running around from port-to-port with a battle ax, a healthy gallon of mead and my dick waving at anything that passes by.
Well, the mead and ax stuff sounds pretty amazing…Ok, I am a Viking, just minus the waving genital part.
In fact, this Viking is actually in relationship.
I have been with the same girl for over five years, and not any of this “on-and-off” Hollywood bullshit.
No, it has been five-straight-years with absolutely zero plans to get married.
Not long ago my lovely (non)bride-to-be and I decided that we just weren’t going to get married. We weren’t breaking up, we just decided that marriage need not enter the kingdom which is our lives.
To be pragmatic about it, we are not religious, we hate diamonds and we just don’t see any real benefits.
I mean, tax breaks? Fuck tax breaks!
To quote the great Doug Stanhope (again) “If you want tax breaks, incorporate.”
No comments:
Post a Comment